Help! My wife cheated on me and is pregnant. What now?!

By means of Nynke van der Storm

It happens regularly that we are approached by worried, married men who think that their wife is pregnant by someone else. They often have the following questions:

• Will I become the legal father of the child?
• Will the child get my last name?
• Can my child inherit from me?
• Do I have to pay for the child?
• can i change this situation?

Guys, don't hesitate and get a lawyer! It is important that action is taken quickly.

The 5 most important facts in a row.

From the birth of the child you will legal father are. The main rule in the law is that if a married woman has a child, she is the mother and her husband is the father. The husband is therefore presumed to be the biological father. This can cause a man who not the biological father is, well becomes the legal father.

In principle, the child will receive your surnameThis is only different if you and your wife already have children who bear her surname or if you and your wife do not yet have children and both want the child to have your wife's surname.

Parenting leads to the parent and child loving each other heirs become. In a will you can disinherit your child, but not for 100%. Your child always retains the right to a so-called 'legitimate portion'. A notary can inform you further about this.

When a child is born during a marriage, the parents practice together authority over the child. Parental authority means -among other things- that you are responsible for the costs of the care and upbringing of the child. This maintenance obligation applies until the child is 21 years old.

Isn't this what you want? Don't panic! The legislator has come up with a solution.

As a man who has automatically become the legal father of a child who is not biologically yours, you can deny paternity. A lawyer must file a so-called “petition for a declaration of the denial of paternity” with the court for you. Your paternity can be denied if you meet the following 4 conditions:

1. you are not the biological father of the child;
2. you did not consent to the act of conception;
3. if your wife was already pregnant prior to marriage, you can only deny paternity if you were not aware of the pregnancy at the time of marriage;
4. In addition, the petition must be filed with the court within one year after you became aware that you are probably not the biological father of the child..

It is therefore important to act quickly! If the request is made too late, the situation remains as it is, with exceptions.

In order to prove that the child is not yours, the court will want to see a DNA report that shows this. If the judge grants your request, paternity will be established retroactive effect (so up to birth) undone. This means that the child from birth:

• according to the law you have only 1 parent, namely your wife;
• get your wife's surname;
• is the sole heir of your wife;
• is under the sole authority of your wife and she is therefore responsible for the costs of the child.

And then? Can the biological father still become a legal father and if so, what are the consequences? 

Yes, that is possible. This will be written about in a later blog.